THE REASON

I noticed the other day that I hadn't posted anything on my "Chicken on the Head" blog since the 6th of May. No, that can't be right. Surely it hasn't been that long. Today is... the 6th of July! Oh wait, it has been that long.  Where has the last two months gone?

No more excuses, it's time to get back of the horse, to get to back to it.

So tar dah. 

Announcing... the "Chicken of the Head" blog re-start.

I do have a reason for this pause. It's not because I had nothing to say. Anyone who knows me would agree that I rarely have nothing to say. It's quite the opposite, I often have more to say than most people. The reason for the pause is also not because I had nothing to writing. Like my need to have something to say, my need to write has also not diminished. I have been writing. I have been writing lots, great tomes of stuff.

I have been writing story ideas that pop into my head, bits of novels that I have started and have been adding to in fits and starts. I have been writing more tales about my fictitious Uncle Maurie and bad poetry. I have been writing expressions of interests for work, copious emails, shopping lists, Facebook posts, and a first drafts for the "Chicken on the Head" blog. Only thing is, none of this writing makes into the blog. Lets face it, does anyone really want to read my shopping lists or an expressions of interest for some job. I don't think so. 

The other thing that has been happening is that everything that I write for the blog, I write in a note book that lives next to my bed, ready for those 3 am "don't think you are going to sleep" ideas that pop into my head. Yes, I write pretty much everything in long hand in a note book before you get to see it. The trick is getting it out of the note book and onto a computer screen. 

I don't normally make excuses for my behaviour, my doing or not doing. I try and live by the rule of being 100% responsible for my own actions. If it hasn't be done, it's because I haven't done it. But this time I do have an excuse, actually it is more of a reason than an excuse. A very good reason why the stuff in my head has made it only as far as my note book and has failed to get onto the computer screen. I have been busy.

Or more accurately, my life has become busy.

When I left my job back in March this year, I made the decision to make space in my life. Up until that point I had been running around like the proverbial chicken with no head and not really getting anywhere. I needed to stop, breathe and get my life back on track. And stop I did, almost a dead stop. I gave myself time and I have to admit that during this time I spent more than one day on the couch, in my pj's, watching bad daytime TV. I was exhausted, burnt out, overwhelmed by my life. But I knew this and prepared for it and gave myself permission to take this time. Six weeks of pajama wearing, navel gazing nothingness so that when May arrived I would be ready. Ready to get going again.

By the time May did arrive though, boredom was starting to set in. My navel gazing and categorising of bellybutton fluff was starting to have an odd effect on me. My hope and positivity was starting to drain from my sole and hopelessness loomed like a solid brick wall. I began to have a niggling feeling that I had made the worst decision of my life. That is was a big mistake to leave my "oh so secure" job in search of freedom, passion and a life beyond the four walls of a 6 x 4 grey cubical. Panic was setting in. The CV came out. My belief in myself was bottoming out. I heard that they were hiring again at my old job, a lower paid position than the one I had left. One that wasn't a management role, with much less responsibilities. Maybe I could have my cake and eat it too.

I have a weird belief in my life. I believe that just when you think you are about to chuck it in or if you can't make a decision or are at a lose end the universe steps up and whacks you around the side of the head and offers up a chance to change. This has happened to me several times during my life so these days when it happens I usually sit up and pay attention. It was as I was deciding whether to return to my old job that I received my kick in the pants by the universe and things began to change. I stopped, took a breath and listened, to myself, to my daughter and to a friend. I knew I couldn't go back to that "oh so secure" job. That there was no going back. And in that instant, things began to change.

Which brings me to what I have been doing since the last post on the 6th May. The reason why nothing has appeared on the blog. I have been working and writing and planning and networking and gardening and, believe it or not, making space in my life to let these things happen.

I have been working with an Architect friend on his projects. I have been following my passion for writing when ever I have a free moment. I have been planning the development of a community garden for Canungra with some new friends. I have been strategising and planning the development of my landscape architecture business, traveling interstate for a job proposal and seeking out new opportunities. I have been getting my hands dirty in my garden, building with the help of my husband a wallaby, chicken and dog proof veggie garden, ready for spring planting. I have been breathing, making space and taking notice. I have moved on.

So the reason is, I have been busy. Busy living. It's not an excuse, just the reason. Because when you are busy life is at it's best. Life is great when your busy but not hectic.

I'm pretty sure I will still spend the occasional day on the couch in pj's but now I prefer to do that when the week that stretches out before me is littered stuff that involves writing and working, gardening and planning, family and friends. A week that is busy.